Sometimes when you're little, you don't realize when you start growing up. When a job with health insurance seems a lot more of a better deal (it always was) than a couple of jobs to make ends meet. When you always figured you'd be "forever alone" and some guy comes around and gives you the time of day.
When you go seven and a half months without household internet and are on the verge of pulling your hair out.
That's what my life's been like. Fortunately, that changed as of yesterday.
See, I've always been an internet baby. And when my boyfriend warned me that there was no high speed services in his childhood home when I packed up my stuff from Florida and moved with him to Ohio, I figured I would be okay. I mean, they're not like total barbarians, they have cable. But the internet was my thing, my social outlet and I am always running out of data with AT&T (as soon as I pay off my and my mom's iPhones, I'm done). Lately, my need for internet revolves around advertisement free movies and YouTube videos.
Truthfully, I did want those past seven and a half months without internet to be a gateway for me to write again. It's true, I haven't been writing lately. Here and there I'll splash a paragraph or so, but sitting down to do the nitty-gritty hasn't been on my agenda. I'd like to not think of myself as a failure but more as a person in need of a creative break (but hey, I did read a lot!)
But, if I like it so much, why would I need a break?
When I graduated college in May of 2015, I had no idea where I wanted to go from there. Financial stability was my main concern and now that I'm stable, healthcare is next. But I'm not here to talk about my job concerns (because its boring and it actually does worry me—but thank God I have my health at the moment).
I always dreamily envisioned myself to be a best selling author, that's what most writers hope for anyway. Though it may be a glimmering possibility, my lovely boyfriend revealed to me what I should really be aspiring for.
That is, write for myself. I used to do it quite naturally (Criminal Offence :X), however, college has sort of killed the positive writing vibes. It certainly has made me a better writer, but its made me want to stay away from it because it has drained my energy. I don't regret going to college for my English degree (I try not too I still have monthly loans to pay back) but I think I overworked myself and killed the fun spirit of writing, making it work.
I want it to be fun again. I want to write stories that will make me happy and, hopefully, some others as well.
So here it goes, round...whatever.